Monday, July 31, 2006

BIT(TER) enemies

What's this, you say? At first glance, it appears that BIT took a weekend forray up north to NYC. However, in reality it is a photo from a website promoting something so sinister and evil that it chilled me to the very bone when I first came across it. This atrocious device is known as "The Bag Snagger," which is, according to its description, "a new tool for arborists and citizen tree pruners designed to remove plastic bags and other debris from trees." Who would want to do THAT?!

Well, I'll tell you who. BETTE MIDLER! That's right, the Divine Diva Miss M is leading a gang of NYC bag nazis called the New York Restoration Project on a mission to take away the very things that we hold dear. These people engage in nefarious activities, like taking bags out of trees, laboring under the belief "that clean and green neighborhoods are fundamental to the quality of life and that every community in New York City deserves an oasis of natural beauty." What's more natural and beautiful than a bag that gets caught in the branch of a tree? The wind blew it there. And the wind is natural. How can Ms. Midler claim to be a naturalist when she is so blatantly anti-wind?

Frighteningly, this anti-bag (and perhaps anti-wind) attitude is prevalent—The Bag Snagger has been profiled on NPR and Ian Frazier (another sworn enemy of BIT) has published his anti-bag blasphemy in the national media. BIT lovers shouldn't despair though. There are pro-BITters out there arguing for the cause. People like James Davies, who wrote the following response to Mr. Frazier's article on the website Islam in America: "I like plastic bags in trees i [sic] think they represent the times we live in, please stop removing them." At least some people have their heads on straight.

All this anti-BIT sentiment just goes to show you the darkness that lurks in the hearts of men (and Bette Midler) and that some people will stop at nothing to take away natural beauty, including using advanced technology. We at bagsintrees.com have one thing to say: in this fight you're either with us or you're against us. So what are you, a tree hugger or a bag lover?



(By the way, Little Willie John's original version of "Fever" is the best and way better than Peggy Lee's and especially Ms. Midler's.)

13 Comments:

At 12:50 PM, Blogger Charissa said...

I'm a definite bag lover(!), but I'm biased being a fan of BIT and all. Being pro-bag must be anti-Bette. Period.

 
At 1:46 PM, Blogger Brian Sacawa said...

Don't forget that pro-bag also means pro-wind.

 
At 3:25 PM, Blogger Charissa said...

Definitely pro-wind, definitely.

 
At 8:47 PM, Blogger verity said...

T-shirts and an appropriate theme song must be made in support of bags and wind! Don't forget those magnetic bumper sticker thingies. What colour would the ribbon be for bags?

 
At 10:32 PM, Blogger Brian Sacawa said...

oh, bags in trees accessories are coming...t-shirts, bumper stickers, pins, you name it. a song? hadn't thought of that, but since the instrument of our downfall has one, we should have one too.

 
At 1:18 AM, Blogger Charissa said...

Are they kidding? It's horrible!

 
At 1:25 AM, Blogger Brian Sacawa said...

sadly, i believe they are quite grave in their intentions. ours would sound more like this.

 
At 2:23 AM, Blogger verity said...

That actually made me snort. That's very... Clerks-esque Berzerker meets the sponge monkeys of Quiznos meets...well...a lot of other things. :)

 
At 3:03 AM, Blogger Malnurtured Snay said...

After I take photos of bags in trees ...

... I set the bags on fire!

 
At 2:22 PM, Blogger Brian Sacawa said...

i haven't seen any snay bags around here...

 
At 7:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh dear, I have stumbled across one crazy site. Ms Midler is doing a fantastic job saving the environment. The plastic bags look absolutely awful in the photos taken, there is nothing artistic about them at all!

 
At 5:03 AM, Blogger CatBird said...

Dear Dumb-ass,

How many trees have you worked with? How many times have you seen limbs dead because of bags that have gotten wound around and girdled them?

Yes, the wind is natural, but the bags are not. If natural items, maybe cotton wisps or feathers or something else were in the trees, it would not present a problem.Bags, however, do real damage to trees; something that apparently you care nothing about.

Maybe you're trying to be witty or ironic; it's not happening.

 
At 8:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And to think, she sang "Wind Beneath My Wings." That song inspired me to sing each time I released my bags into the wind... high against the sky... From that song, I guessed her to be pro-wind. Seems rather hypocritical.

 

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